I am so tired at the moment it is ridiculous. Lots of things going on in my life directly and indirectly and not sure if it is all starting to weigh me down. Tonight is no exception; I’m so tired I could curl up into a ball in my bed and sleep until the morning.
I was sitting on the couch trying to get the little man into his pyjamas, which he wouldn’t, so I blew a massive raspberry on his tummy which set him off into peals of laughter. He then had to reciprocate the action on my tubby tummy and I must admit the feeling of it makes you laugh from deep within! Made me loose that tired feeling for just a moment and I lost myself in the world of a three year old.
We ended up blowing raspberries on each others tummies, necks and chests! Such unabashed joy between the two of us and a beautiful memory as well. How we forget the simple things in life.
Typing this my eyes are getting heavy again and that magical feeling has gone. Even after all the cuddles I got at bed time.
Love my little man with everything I have.
I read somewhere a while ago about forgiving and how it can set your life on a different path and free your soul.
I thought I had forgiven the person that hurt me the most but I have realised over the last few months that this isn’t true as his actions keep hurting me and I can’t seem able to forgive him for his behaviour. I know I have forgotten/blocked out a lot of memories but there are many that feel like they only occurred yesterday instead of 3 years ago.
It is also affecting our son and for that alone I can’t forgive him as he is too young to understand or realise how he is being manipulated by his father.
I want to forgive so that I can be a better person and mother but I am not sure I will ever forget and I think the two are meant to go hand in hand.
Can I do one without the other?
I found two quotes on the internet which I thought were quite apt to my situation.
“Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future”
~Paul Boese ~
“Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and …… realising you were the prisoner!”
~ Max Lucado ~
The little man in my life has recently taken to asking for a wedding kiss. I’m not sure where this has come from or how it actually started but it is very cute.
A wedding kiss is a kiss on the back of each of our hands whilst looking in each others eyes. If I don’t look into his eyes he says it is all wrong!
It amazes me what a three year old sees, hears and learns. They say they are sponges and I have to agree with that.
The sun was shining on the weekend and we had been to Ikea to get an outdoor storage box and I assembled it all by myself too!!
The little man decided to play with water, no surprise there, and then cut some dance moves!!
pouring water from one thing into another
water in bucket now
dance moves – storage box in background
look at me
Hope you all enjoyed your weekends and the sun was shining wherever you may be.
Last week my phone rang sitting on my computer and I saw that it was the day care centre where the little man goes. My heart skipped a beat as I knew it wasn’t going to be good news; and it wasn’t.
He’d had a truck/trike accident and come off second best. He loves running around pushing a tonka truck with his head down as fast as he can. He was doing this and came around a corner where another child was on the trike and didn’t stop, even though he saw the little man coming.
There was a crash and the little man somersaulted over the tonka truck I believe and landed on his face. He was apparently glazed over for a few minutes and then quite dizzy when he stood up.
When they rang me he was having a green icy stick and cuddling Pooh Bear so he had calmed down. I decided to ring the doctors and leave work. The girls all said I was going to get a shock when I saw him and to prepare myself. Well you can imagine the thoughts going through my head at this point.
I arrived to find him sleeping with a graze around his left eye and a fat lip. Not as bad as I had thought at all. It took a bit to wake him up and off to the doctors we went. All good there with no depressed fracture!! That thought hadn’t even crossed my mind…..
His lip got bigger as the night wore on and I thought he might have gotten a black eye but he didn’t.
got the look down pat!
bike ride with pouty lip again
The next morning he was fascinated with the ‘circle’ that had appeared on his lip. From how the accident was told to me I think he was a very lucky boy and it is nearly all healed now.
next morning and circle on lip
I find that every Monday night I can’t be bothered with dinner for the little man or myself. I don’t know why but I hate Monday nights and trying to think of what we will have for dinner! Anyone else feel this way??
You guessed it last night was Monday night and when I picked up the little man after I finished work and his day at care I thought “urgh what are we having for dinner?” The little man wanted chops but we’d had them the night before so I said no and he then said number spaghetti. I thought done you can have that and it is quick and easy to boot.
Then I thought what am I going to have???? Was thinking bad food then decided I’d make a pasta sauce with some ingredients I had in the fridge.
So I gathered up bacon, mushrooms, lemon, and semi sun dried tomatoes. I thought how am I going to do this and then didn’t worry how it turned out as only me eating it.
I cut the bacon, sliced the mushrooms, zested the lemon and chopped the semi sun dried tomatoes and pine nuts. Add it all to a frypan with some oil from the tomato jar as well as the juice from the zested lemon and hey presto there was my pasta sauce for the night. Not the healthiest but not the worst kind of sauce either. Stirred through wholemeal pasta with some parmesan on top and it wasn’t too bad, except I burnt it a bit as I was getting the little man’s dinner ready…..
1 rash of bacon
4 mini button mushrooms
4 semi sun dried tomatoes
Zest of a lemon
Juice of a lemon
Cracked black pepper (to taste)
Cook bacon in frypan add the mushrooms and tomatoes with some oil from the jar, zest the lemon, add half the juice and reduce. Add the pine nuts and cracked pepper and then the other half of the lemon juice. Done!
frying off the ingredients, with pasta boiling in the background
How do you help a friend who has just found out she has a really bad form of breast cancer and is also going through a messy separation and custody hearing right this instant?!
I have told her I will do anything for her except vomit – never been good with it but improving now I have the little man to deal with when he is sick. I will wash, clean, shop, bake, fold, iron, pick up/drop off her kids to care, take them to the park and absolutely anything else that she may require during this time but I still feel like it may not be enough. I would even go wig shopping with her if she wanted me to.
I’m staying positive when I am with her but feel like crumbling when alone as no one deserves this and especially a mother of two adorable boys who are not even school age. My sister in laws sister (get that?) was diagnosed about 4 years ago when she was breastfeeding her youngest and due to her living in Sydney I didn’t have a lot to do with her but remember hearing the stories from my brother or sister in law.
It is harrowing.
I will stay as strong as possible for her but I’m sure there will be times when we will have a cry together as well which will be good for both of us.
She had a heap of scans on Friday and waiting to get the results this week as well as in court this week to sort out the custody of her kids with her ex. Talk about everything happening at once in her life!!
If anybody out there knows of some great things to do for someone who is ill please let me know or what to take with you whilst you are having chemo etc…. I have some ideas but not sure what is right or wrong on this situation.
Positive thoughts and smiles, hugs and kisses to my friend.