It has been a while since I last wrote anything and the reason being is that I have had so many random thoughts and feelings going around in my head I am still not sure what to do with them. I am still dating the said boy – well sort of – but in reality my heart is not in it and he has a massive snoring problem! It is nonstop the entire night and drives me crazy, one night I got the mattress from the garage and put it on the floor in my sons room so that I would get some sleep!
The above is one of the thoughts roaming around my head space and I think the best thing to do is say that I am not ready for this even though I thought I was. When do you know you are ready to move on with your life?
Other thoughts that have been floating in the air for a bit are about my ex! I know Gasp! Horror! Now that I have had time with my son and time to reflect on my reactions to many things that we threw at each other did I make the wrong decision? I know at the time the decision I made was right for my sanity and therefore that of my munchkin but now I am second guessing it and wondering if I should have walked away like I did or stuck it out through the extremely rough times? Again how do you know if you made the right decision or didn’t? There was so much raw emotion at the time and he did say to me I would regret it and I am not sure that is how I am feeling right now or not but there are thoughts and feelings there. I look at the munchkin and wish he could talk more to me so I could ask him 100 questions and get his thoughts but alas at nearly two years old there are only a couple word answers to any question which seem to be “another truck!”.
Has anyone else out there felt like this and if so what did you do about it?
I know that my family and some friends would not be pleased with me if we did get back together but ultimately it is my happiness and that of our child’s that is paramount in my mind at present. I have also decided it is in my best interest to seek help from a professional and maybe just have a good cry to them as I have done it in the past but there are still many tears to be shed over this situation past and present!