Decisions, decisions……

It has been a while since I last wrote anything and the reason being is that I have had so many random thoughts and feelings going around in my head I am still not sure what to do with them. I am still dating the said boy – well sort of – but in reality my heart is not in it and he has a massive snoring problem! It is nonstop the entire night and drives me crazy, one night I got the mattress from the garage and put it on the floor in my sons room so that I would get some sleep!

The above is one of the thoughts roaming around my head space and I think the best thing to do is say that I am not ready for this even though I thought I was. When do you know you are ready to move on with your life?

Other thoughts that have been floating in the air for a bit are about my ex! I know Gasp! Horror! Now that I have had time with my son and time to reflect on my reactions to many things that we threw at each other did I make the wrong decision? I know at the time the decision I made was right for my sanity and therefore that of my munchkin but now I am second guessing it and wondering if I should have walked away like I did or stuck it out through the extremely rough times? Again how do you know if you made the right decision or didn’t? There was so much raw emotion at the time and he did say to me I would regret it and I am not sure that is how I am feeling right now or not but there are thoughts and feelings there. I look at the munchkin and wish he could talk more to me so I could ask him 100 questions and get his thoughts but alas at nearly two years old there are only a couple word answers to any question which seem to be “another truck!”.

Has anyone else out there felt like this and if so what did you do about it?

I know that my family and some friends would not be pleased with me if we did get back together but ultimately it is my happiness and that of our child’s that is paramount in my mind at present. I have also decided it is in my best interest to seek help from a professional and maybe just have a good cry to them as I have done it in the past but there are still many tears to be shed over this situation past and present!


Dating up a storm

Since my last post I have had two dates with the same guy and they have gone remarkably well! I am not sure why I am surprised but after living a not so great relationship it is nice to have someone make you feel good about yourself again. Our second date was a night out in Brighton which included a lovely dinner and then on to the pub to watch the semi final of the footy, at 1.05am I decided it was time to pull the plug as I wanted to get up in the morning and go to exercise class. We pulled the plug but unfortunately I woke up a bit under the weather and therefore didn’t make it to the class and hated myself for the rest of the day. Why do we drink when we know we shouldn’t? Mind you I didn’t have lots just enough to tip me over and having not drunk in a while it affected me more than I thought it would.

Next date was more relaxed as we did pizza and Before the Game at my house. Sigh no need to worry about my clothes as much as not going out in public! Have decided I have way too many summer clothes and not enough Winter/in-between season clothes. Might have to look into that next year.

So we are going along quite nicely and it is good to feel like I have my mojo back even if I don’t really. I saw a friend’s husband on the weekend and he even commented on my figure so something must be working, either my boost in confidence or the exercise classes I have been taking. Now I probably have to look at my diet but I can leave that for another day.

Hope you enjoyed your weekend.