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Starting to get into the Christmas Spirit!

I can’t believe it is the start of December tomorrow, where has the year gone?? I know I have had a year like no other but that doesn’t mean that it should nearly be Christmas. I was in the shops a while ago and noticed the decorations and thought to myself “you have got to be kidding me!” apparently not as of tomorrow there are 24 days to Christmas!

My mum got this advent calendar for me last year and as my son was only 12 months old I didn’t do anything with it. This year I have decided to show him a bit more about Christmas and how much I love him by adding little gifts to each of the days. Some have chocolates and candy canes that you can’t see as well as some of the objects you can see. I have got to say I think Aldi is great; they had $1 toys today so I bought most of the gifts there, jungle animals, bubble blowers, plastic toys and a kaleidoscope.

I hope my munchkin enjoys every morning leading up to Christmas and the gift he receives each day. I am guessing I will get more enjoyment out of his reaction than he will out of his little gifts. Now I just have to get my butt into gear for the present buying for the rest of my family as he is sorted.

Enjoy your lead up to the big day and I hope you enjoy it with your children.

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Another year older…

Yes unfortunately for me I am another year older and my goodness I am feeling it this year!! Not sure if this is due to the fact that I have had a trying year, to say the least, or if my so called ‘youthfulness’ has decided to evade me?? I am now officially closer to 40 than I have ever been in my life and maybe that has made me reflect as I remember my parents 40th Birthday parties and to me back then they were “so old”, yikes that is me next year! What is my munchkin going to be thinking of me??

How do we stay young at heart and mind without resorting to cosmetic surgery? I guess I really need to start watching the diet and exercise regime as they will assist me to some degree but I think overall it is how you portray yourself to the rest of the world and luckily for me I tend to freak out people when they find out my age as they are shocked to hear I am older than they thought. This happened yesterday at munchkin’s music class, the other mum’s couldn’t believe I was 39. I take this as a compliment but I am not sure if it is! I am hoping it means I don’t have many wrinkles and that I am young at heart or as much as I can be. How does age creep up on us and then come and bite us in the bottom and reality hits with a smack in the face?

I know age is only a number or you only feel as old as the man you are sleeping with. Where does that leave me? I sleep in an empty bed every night….. Is it time to become a “cougar” and go on a boy hunt?? Not sure that is really me either but I am open to whatever or whoever may cross my path.

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Am I finally ready to move forward?

What a rollercoaster of a weekend I had. It all started with Friday when I had a specialist appointment for my son and decided to do the right thing and invite the ex along. I had also decided that I was going to see where he stood on maybe getting back together. I did ask and got the response “I have moved on and we never wanted the same things.” This certainly threw me for a sixer and cried all the way home in the car as well as on the couch; the worst thing was my 2 year old son wiping my tears off my chin. So cute but yet so sad at the same time as he was looking at me as if to say “mum what is making you so sad?”

I was going to say lot of things in this post that I found out but have decided not to incase it can be used against me in any further court situations. All I will say is what I found out made my blood boil and also made me realise that maybe I am finally ready to move forward with my life now due to these facts. When you have been pushed to your limits like I was earlier this year this new information has made me realise that I now really did make the right decision at the right time for my son and I and that is all that counts now.

My weekend went from a low on Friday to the best high on Sunday with my boy. I had a small family party for his 2nd birthday at a park that has miniature trains which you can ride on. He had a ball and was in his element with his Grandpa and his Great Uncle, who is a train fanatic! The said Great Uncle gave him a Thomas the Tank engine toy and that was the most prized possesion of the day, my boy has found true love with Thomas.

One question I do want to pose is “Why are people so influenced by their so called friends and can’t see past the bitterness they have in themselves?”

I hope that I am not like the above and that I respect my friend’s opinions but am not overly influenced by what they recommend. I take it on board digest it and use it if it will help or just shelve it if not relevant. Are you overly influenced by your friends??

All I will say is we are happy living our life and dancing around the house like a couple of idiots and we have so much fun doing it and laughing at my silly dance moves!

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Turning the Corner

Slowly slowly I am trying to turn the corner in my life, as per the picture to the left. The first thing I did was make my blog page brighter instead of the dark ‘dusk’ theme that I had. What was the next step that I am not sure but maybe it will be about talking about other things in my life rather than my mundane life as it is at present?

I have lots to look forward to this week as it is my baby’s 2nd birthday on Wednesday and he even choose his birthday card, it was a tossup between a fire truck with the number 2 on it or a train card and all he could say was ‘truck truck’ so I decided to go with that one for him. He is getting a 3 story high car garage as well as some cloths and mini Cooper and a DVD of Roary the Racing Car. As you may be able to tell he is very much a “boy’s boy” at this stage of his life, what will happen in the future is anyone’s guess and who really cares!? As well as that we are going to go to have a small family party on Sunday and I have to make his birthday cake, again it was a tossup between the fire engine or a clock and have decided on the clock as I think he will enjoy the fire engine more next year.

I also have a couple of previous work friends coming over for dinner on Friday night which will be great; I just have to decide what I am going to cook for all of us! Any suggestions will be warmly received. It will be fantastic to have a good old gossip session about our lives and hear what is going on in other people’s lives and not just my own little world.

As the days warm up and the sun comes out I hope my outlook on life with change as well and that corner of the page will become bigger and bigger until the next page appears for me to move on to.

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On a happier note

Birthday cake

This past Sunday we had our Mother’s Group joint second birthday party for all of our little munchkins. It was a great day in Melbourne for the party as we held it in a park so the kids could entertain themselves to a degree and we adults could enjoy a chat and glass of champers. It is hard to believe they are all 2 years old or close to it, mine is the youngest and he turns two next week!!! They have grown in to such lovely kids and such independent little souls as well, it is great to see and watch other people’s children grow and to compare them with your own, but never compete with them as that is not healthy for anyone!

I volunteered again this year to make the cake and came up with the very mundane kite cake, but it had to be unisex as we have 6 girls and 3 boys in the group! Unfortunately due to the wind we couldn’t light the candles so one of the girls blew them out anyway which was very cute. Over all a great day was had by young and old and doesn’t love a party and seeing kids rip open their presents and enjoy the gift they were given. My munchkin wanted to take his ‘truck’ to bed that night but I said no and left it on his bedroom floor so first thing in the morning was ‘truck, truck’. It is amazing how a $20 gift can bring so much joy to a little man’s world.

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The next step

Unfortunately for me my head is all over the shop at the moment with regards to my decision to walk out of my relationship about 14 months ago so I have finally done something about it. Yesterday I went to see a counsellor. It was only for an hour and unfortunately for her there were many tears from me as I told her my story and how we got to where we are now. It is funny my lawyer said very early on that he was as bully and to ignore him and then again yesterday the counsellor said the same thing. Does this make it any easier for me, no it doesn’t, and I am not sure what that means for me long term.

Am I pining (not sure that is the correct term but all I can think of at the moment) for the relationship or am I scared of never finding the right person for me and being single for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be single as I have been single for the majority of my adult life, why I don’t know except to say I am very independent that I have decided is not working in my favour! What if this was my only chance of having a long term partnership and we blew it, it does take two to tango as the saying goes. We both did and said things that we may or may not regret but they are out there still the same.

I hope this counsellor can help me through my insecurities as well as assisting me to change my attitude from glass half empty to glass half full. I need to concentrate more on the positives in my life rather than focusing on the negatives or what might be as I am an expert in these areas! I guess whatever occurs it will be good to get as much as I can off my chest and for once not be the strong person that I feel I am expected to be and be the scared adult woman that I am of a future that I have no idea about.

Am I stressing about the unknown and some other woman having a say in the raising of my special little man? How do others get through this, do you ever get through these thoughts? Why do women think of things so differently to men and how come they seem to move on so much quicker, did they ever really have any feelings for you or was it a ploy to get you there for as long as you could stand it?

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What to do?

Well I have had it confirmed that my ex has a new partner! The main issue I have with this is that she has three children of her own so they are now a so called ‘family’ of 7 and I wonder how much time our nearly 2 year old actually gets to spend with his dad one on one and with his half siblings. It is strange as this was all he went on and on about when we were in court and now it makes unsure if what the court decided was the right thing in the long term for the munchkin. I am not happy about the situation but there is nothing I can do about it, but questions will have to be asked at some point as to how much time she spends with my son and if she is driving him around etc as that is a concern for me.

When does any of this get easier? Will it ever be easy or am I going to be worrying for the rest of my life to the kind of upbringing my son has out of my control. It will be great when he can talk more and I can ask subtle questions to find the answers but until that day I live in the dark and I don’t really like the feeling at all. I want the sunshine as I am more of a summer girl than winter. I know I am asking too much but what mother doesn’t ask to much when the welfare of their child is in question.