How I wish I could be as carefree as my child is. Even though there seems to be more restrictions and less playing outside by themselves they do have moments of being carefree and having fun. I know why I didn’t jump in the puddle as I didn’t want to get dirty but really is that a good enough reason to not jump?
We were are the park at the end of our street a few weeks back, I just found the photos on my phone, and there was a puddle which my little man couldn’t not jump into a multitude of times and his boots were saturated but he had lots of fun doing it!
Do you want to know why I’m getting a little bit excited??? Things might finally be turning in a positive direction for me on the work front! If I haven’t mentioned it before I will give you a quick synopses of my current role:
- Job share two days a week – I only perform one task of the job description
- Micro manager – she does everyone’s head in and is more concerned about finding fault (and if not there makes it up) than doing her role
- No room for promotion – dead end position and wasting my skill base on the internet most of the day
- Staff morale low – this is due to the manager and so far two staff members have resigned in two weeks and hoping I might be the third!
If i get the new position it is for a multinational company, very well known brand, and there will be no wasting of my skills and fingers crossed I learn some new ones as well. There is room for promotion which is great and always makes you strive a little harder I believe. I will be job sharing with a friend of mine who I have never worked along side before but we met years ago in the travel industry when I was a BDM and she was working at a travel agency. We hit if off the minute we met and have never looked back! We have the same sense of humour, work ethic and values. Plus are boys are only 6 weeks apart. It will be a five day fortnight so need to look at care for the little man but will cross that bridge when or if I get the position. Less money but I don’t care as the environment has to be better than where I am now.
|Where I used to work as a BDM
I can’t wipe the smile from my face as I am just a LITTLE bit EXCITED that something may go right for me after a few years of struggling through the changes I have encountered.
Ahh the joy that is spreading through my veins is giving me such a high it is ridiculous as I don’t know the outcome of our proposal but by all accounts it is sounding extremely good.
Keep your fingers crossed for me and I will keep you all informed – not that there are many of you out there but hey I can live in hope!!
Since having my little man my craft side seems to have blossomed, well not really but it has come out of hiding and I am willing to give things a go! Browsing the internet the other day I came across a picture and I thought “I can do that!” So off to Bunnings we went.
My little man loves this shop and every time we are there he has to touch all of the mowers. As he goes along the aisle he tells me a little something about each one; the colour, how it starts and what things do.
After meeting his requirements I said it is now time to get what I came for. I purchased two terracotta pots and a tine of blackboard paint.
Now it was time to go home and get painting. Two coats later they looked like this.
Last night was decorating time and this is where I am not an artist at all. I have a go and that is all that counts and hopefully Coop will like it, he gets to do the other one for a friend of his.
Hope you all enjoy your Easter and if you decide to give this idea a go show me your finished products as they will be better than mine!
Not really sure what is happening with me at the moment but feel like the walls are crashing down around me. I really just want to lie in bed and cry a river of tears and hope it all gets better! Not sure that would work long term but short term I’m sure it would as it is a female thing!
I really want to start afresh in a new town or state and see if I can get my life on a better keel and see if that helps me get over this hump in my life at the moment. I know it wouldn’t be easy but hey the life I’m living now isn’t easy either so can’t be any worse of in theory……
I feel that some of my long term friends have ‘dumped’ me due to my status as I never get invited out or even to someone’s house for a coffee. If I don’t contact them they certainly aren’t knocking my door down to see me. It’s funny in a weird way as my ex said this would happened after having the little man and I responded by saying that why would it since they’ve all had kids before me and were still friends. Guess now he was kinda right, as it was always me going to see them and organising movie/dinner/catch ups and now that I haven’t in recent times my life is decidedly empty.
It’s quite said that after 20 odd years in some instances this so called friendships has ripped at the seems and no longer a tangible entity in my life. I guess I never meant as much to them as they did to me.
Today I found one friend has ‘defriended’ me on Facebook. Talk about a kick in the guts that I wasn’t expecting. Nice to know she can so clearly cut me out of her life without even a thank you for all the good times or a goodbye. I am starting to realise that maybe they weren’t friends in the first place or we just needed each other for whatever reason.
The friendship pool is diminishing and it hurts that they can just walk away without a backward glance.
That river of tears has started but need to get it under control as nearly time to cook the little mans dinner and he doesn’t need to see his mum in this state.
I hope the next corner I come to is brightly filled with love, joy, flowers and everything that makes me happy as I think I deserve it.
The other day I decided I really should open the present that the little man received from his cousins in WA. As we live in a smallish two bedroom unit therefore space is not high on the list of positives about this place. It was fine before a beautiful now three year old came into my life, now it is over run with his dump trucks, bikes and copious toys in general. Anyhoo thought it was time to pull out the indoor pirate tent. Upon realising how easy it is to assemble or pack away I should have opened it long before March!
He played in it the first couple of days and even wanted to sleep in there but hasn’t really touched it since; mind you it is up next to the tv so forefront in his eye sight. Might be time to put it away I think as my motto is if not used put it away.
Next thing I really want to ‘put away’ is his train table as I could then set up his bedroom to resemble a bedroom and maybe even attempt a theme.
There are two people in my life that I miss the most at the moment. They are my brother and my best friend Babe.
My brother lives in Perth and there are times I miss him desperately and need his shoulder to cry on and for his reassuring words. He sees things from a different point of view to me, which I need at times. As much as we had our differences growing up, as soon as he moved out things took a change for the better, and as we have gotten older even better. I wish at times so much that he and his gorgeous family didn’t live so far away as I miss them all terribly and would have loved for the little man to have grown up with his only cousins. I talk about/refer to them all the time and the other day he said his three cousins were his brothers and best friends. Talk about making my heart swell and break at the same time. I need my brother more than I’ll Iever admit to him at this time in my life. Mind you he has done more than any sister could ever ask for, as well as his family, and for that I will be forever indebted to them and only hope my munchkin will realise how important his family is in the future.
The second person is Babe. I met her at university and we clicked when we did our industrial year and have never looked backed! We lived together for two years and everybody said we would not be friends at the end, well 17 years later we are still as close as ever; even though she lives in Singapore and I’m a tight arse with my phone. I asked her and her husband to be guardians for my little man in my will and I would do anything to have her back in Melbourne where I could go to her house and drink copious amounts of wine and cry my heart out to her. Again, I miss you Babe more than I can put into words.
It’s hard having two people I want to see on a regular basis so far from me as they know me the best, the good and the bad!
I have had a tough 15 hours as my behaviour last night at change over is haunting me. Why did I react the way I did? I did something similar about 12 months ago so maybe it is a yearly build up in me that then snaps. I feel like an elastic band been pulled to its extreme stretch and them BAM it snaps.
I feel the worst for my little man as he saw me so upset and he was screaming in his dads car not knowing what was going on. Will he remember this and hate me for it in years to come? I hope not as I I never want to hurt or scar him with the difficulties that his parents have with each other. I’m crying as I type this and so scared that his dad won’t give him back to me today at the court ordered time.
I’m not proud at all of my behaviour and can’t fathom why I reacted the way I did but all I know is that I want my gorgeous boy back this afternoon so I can apologise to him and give him the biggest cuddle and kiss.
I’m not having a good time at the moment for some reason; maybe it is from shouldering too much stuff or maybe it’s just my time to be tested again. Either way I’m not sure I’m strong enough to do it this time, but I know I will for my little man.