I am so tired at the moment it is ridiculous. Lots of things going on in my life directly and indirectly and not sure if it is all starting to weigh me down. Tonight is no exception; I’m so tired I could curl up into a ball in my bed and sleep until the morning.
I was sitting on the couch trying to get the little man into his pyjamas, which he wouldn’t, so I blew a massive raspberry on his tummy which set him off into peals of laughter. He then had to reciprocate the action on my tubby tummy and I must admit the feeling of it makes you laugh from deep within! Made me loose that tired feeling for just a moment and I lost myself in the world of a three year old.
We ended up blowing raspberries on each others tummies, necks and chests! Such unabashed joy between the two of us and a beautiful memory as well. How we forget the simple things in life.
Typing this my eyes are getting heavy again and that magical feeling has gone. Even after all the cuddles I got at bed time.
Love my little man with everything I have.
Not really sure what is happening with me at the moment but feel like the walls are crashing down around me. I really just want to lie in bed and cry a river of tears and hope it all gets better! Not sure that would work long term but short term I’m sure it would as it is a female thing!
I really want to start afresh in a new town or state and see if I can get my life on a better keel and see if that helps me get over this hump in my life at the moment. I know it wouldn’t be easy but hey the life I’m living now isn’t easy either so can’t be any worse of in theory……
I feel that some of my long term friends have ‘dumped’ me due to my status as I never get invited out or even to someone’s house for a coffee. If I don’t contact them they certainly aren’t knocking my door down to see me. It’s funny in a weird way as my ex said this would happened after having the little man and I responded by saying that why would it since they’ve all had kids before me and were still friends. Guess now he was kinda right, as it was always me going to see them and organising movie/dinner/catch ups and now that I haven’t in recent times my life is decidedly empty.
It’s quite said that after 20 odd years in some instances this so called friendships has ripped at the seems and no longer a tangible entity in my life. I guess I never meant as much to them as they did to me.
Today I found one friend has ‘defriended’ me on Facebook. Talk about a kick in the guts that I wasn’t expecting. Nice to know she can so clearly cut me out of her life without even a thank you for all the good times or a goodbye. I am starting to realise that maybe they weren’t friends in the first place or we just needed each other for whatever reason.
The friendship pool is diminishing and it hurts that they can just walk away without a backward glance.
That river of tears has started but need to get it under control as nearly time to cook the little mans dinner and he doesn’t need to see his mum in this state.
I hope the next corner I come to is brightly filled with love, joy, flowers and everything that makes me happy as I think I deserve it.