Why did I react the way I did?

I have had a tough 15 hours as my behaviour last night at change over is haunting me. Why did I react the way I did? I did something similar about 12 months ago so maybe it is a yearly build up in me that then snaps. I feel like an elastic band been pulled to its extreme stretch and them BAM it snaps.

I feel the worst for my little man as he saw me so upset and he was screaming in his dads car not knowing what was going on. Will he remember this and hate me for it in years to come? I hope not as I I never want to hurt or scar him with the difficulties that his parents have with each other. I’m crying as I type this and so scared that his dad won’t give him back to me today at the court ordered time.

I’m not proud at all of my behaviour and can’t fathom why I reacted the way I did but all I know is that I want my gorgeous boy back this afternoon so I can apologise to him and give him the biggest cuddle and kiss.

I’m not having a good time at the moment for some reason; maybe it is from shouldering too much stuff or maybe it’s just my time to be tested again. Either way I’m not sure I’m strong enough to do it this time, but I know I will for my little man.